Will you blow on my dice?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
