i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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