ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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