were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
