my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Your cock deserves a montage
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
