i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
