the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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