i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
