Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
