There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
