Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
