You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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