i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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