I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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