I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
