I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
