my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
