1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
