she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So much rum. So many feels.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
