i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
