I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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