He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
