if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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