you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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