You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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