The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
