Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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