all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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