i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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