walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
