Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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