Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need to calm my uterus...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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