So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
