i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i drank out of a bidet.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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