I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
