i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
where am i from again
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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