i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
