Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
