mondays should just be called national damage control day
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
