I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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