She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
