She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
