I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
