Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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