what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
