I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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