it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
