i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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