She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
