so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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