its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
