I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
